Do not make decision hurriedly
it was really an over night decision. my first choice stood me up, I asked myself immediately, "do I go for my 2nd choice?" because i need to reply them so urgently. The next morning when I was teaching, i was only thinking whether the opportunity will be grabbed by others just like my first choice. It's only later i realized my 2nd choice is not what I want either after going through their works carefully.
One by one
how I have been looking for job is seriously not strategic. partly due to the fact that I am fresh, new, not resourceful and have no idea how is the market like, I wanted to test water first..it became such confusing when the each of their timeline overlaps.
I am really not good at multitasking. so many things to attend to in such a short time--students, job changes, suat's submission.. i guess I really have no time to think carefully.
instead of burdened myself with guilt, why not stay unaffected like my students do? They can be cool and calm even in situation when teachers get angry with them, I am such obedient kid to care about pple I am not responsible to.
I have done with teaching. Now I think it's actually quite fun because there are many funny and cute students hahaha. and it's good to make fun of them..cos I have the power.. But i really dare not to call myself a good English teacher because I can't be sure what I write is 100% grammatically correct. It is guilt stricken to know what I teach them is wrong...so i just tell them "you guys cannot trust me 100% because what I teach you are purely based on my experience with the language"...but I also hold the belief that teachers should not hold responsibility for that because teacher is not god...the difference only lie between experienced and inexperienced teacher! You will not need a great command of language but you need to be experienced to teach well...fallacy no1. I might know great deal of vocab which other teachers do not know...but it doesn't help much in teaching students grammar.
However the problem is whether teaching grammar is enough for learning the language..obviously it's barely sufficient, esp in fy syst...So in the class I always stress them to get more exposure of the language on daily basis. fallacy no2 is the school system. The exam syllables follow strictly on the teaching of grammar and memorizing the given exercises, while the students are rarely given the chance to use the language in their own way, which requires experieces. their exposure to the language is even lesser than me last time.. online chatting, facebooking...are all in chinese.
They also hardly have the 'heart' to learn. I always hold the belief, it is no use for me to force you to learn because learning requires 'heart'..if you don't want to do it, no one can force you to do it. I also question myself whether it is because I get more used to the university way of learning nowadays...actually those teenage students requires certain level of 'force' for them to learn, such as exams (which i would agree for students who care about marks), doing exercise (I am afraid those do not want to do will copy the exercise anyway), copy things down (it was totally useless for me because i can copy without understanding what i write...)...that's why i think passing up the exercises to me is totally useless...teachers act as a checker really useful.....? wonder for a while...maybe..but i guess not alot..i guess the atmosphere of learning is most impt. if half of the class do not want to learn, the other half will be the same soon.
KY told me one thing yesterday, a class suffers under teachers who were top students...haha is this a compliment. I guess I am not the kind of top student she was referring because learning the language was never an easy task for me. haha if i have more time to study the materials i teach, i think i might make a good teacher provided that students want to learn, really..I find controlling the class is difficult. it's hard for me to shout, but they have so much to talk about everyday....so much so that they just want to spend their time in talking rather than learning...and worse, they affect other students. I think it really requires experience....without honing the skill, teaching is such a chore....